Hope & 5-Year-Old Me

A journey back

Hope Matters

Well, hey there, Hope Buddies! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back in your inbox for the time being. I’ve been taking it slow and not leaning into consistency where I couldn’t make it fit. Anyhoo, as a result, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and allowing spiritually downloaded ideas to flow in and settle. That’s just where I am in life now.

One person I’ve been thinking about quite a bit is 5-year-old Parthenia. My therapist and I talk about her a lot. See, she’s my reminder of who - as a result of so much life that has happened - I lost to become this adult you all see today. She’s the person I’m striving to reclaim. She was beautifully unbothered, hard to impress, sassy (unbearably so for some people), had never met a camera she didn’t like or thought liked her, and was eager to share her newfound and old knowledge with anyone (whether you wanted it or not). Homegirl was badass! You hear me?

5-year-old Parthenia from the school yearbook

During this time of year, so many people are preparing and planning for the next one. I’m typically one of those people, but this year I ain’t feeling it. This end of year has been slow for me, on purpose. I don’t have a word for next year; I don’t even want one. What I have done is taken to doing activities I enjoy that I often don’t make time for because, well…life (that I’ve allowed to take precedence). Things like immersing myself in books, knitting scarves, eating dessert for breakfast with a coffee, streaming rom-com Christmas movies, jotting down notes in my journal to be dealt with later, practicing calming my mind, and so much etc. that I can’t possibly include here.

What I do know about next year is that I’m going to spend it channeling 5-year-old Parthenia and returning to that unpretentious girl who loved life and herself immensely. Here’s a story for ya.

Since I could see — probably before — I’ve loved books, from having them read to me to eventually reading them myself. This is what I get for having an educator as a mother, who also happened to be a reading specialist. She read to us in the womb and at night before bed and introduced us to phonics super early. Thus, the reading-on-my-own began super early.

Well, about the age of 5, my parents enrolled me in this wonderful Montessori-style kindergarten. These were some of the best days of my life, as there would be many opportunities for me to choose what I wanted to do. Of course, reading was almost always the order of the day at some point. Well, early on in my attendance, my mother recalls that the owner of the facility, who was also my teacher, pulled her aside to note something she’d seen me doing.

One day, I was in the sunroom (my favorite place), and she heard me giggling. She came around to see what I was doing. And to her surprise, I was in the floor reading Stuart Little by E.B. White and giggling about something he’d written that I’m sure the little mouse had done (probably driving that little car 🤭).

See, my teacher didn’t know I could read and understand a book of that length. Of course, my mother assured her it was indeed normal for me to do this, and yes I knew precisely what I was reading and not just looking at the pictures.

Hope Buddies, I told you that story to write this. As I move into this next year, my aim is to remember the joy of that little girl who got to choose every. single. day. what she wanted to do and read and giggle as much as possible. To remember a girl who believed she could do any- and everything. To remember a girl who did not suffer fools gladly. To remember a girl who allowed herself to be loved fully.

In the last week of this year, I do believe that 5-year-old me is smiling, as I have spent time reading and giggling and choosing each day what I want to do.

Now, maybe your you that you want to keep channeling is the one you’ve already grown into. Maybe you need to go back and grab the one you most want to identify with. Or, maybe you have an idea of who you’ve never been and want to become. Either way, I encourage you to spend time thinking about and being that person. It’s freeing in a way I couldn’t even imagine.

Don’t get me wrong. I love me now as I am, but I love little Parthenia in a way I never did before. I’m allowing her to be my guide as I slow walk into the coming year.

Which version of yourself is your favorite?

Coffee Matters

Coffee Buddies, the way I’m out here enjoying Cxffeeblack coffees is on 1000! That’s pretty much what I’ve been sipping these last few months since I’ve signed up for their subscription box.

Their OG Guji Mane is always in order, but they have a microlot, Guji Gold, that is chef’s kiss. Also, the 3 Kings is not to be missed.

I hope you all are staying warm, hydrated, and enjoying whatever beverage has been your favorite.

What’s been your go-to sip this holiday?

I appreciate you taking the time to read this hopeletter about my life and coffee. Please share with a friend who could use a little hope or coffee recommendation.