Hope & I Get To

It's not a burden.

Hope Matters

I’d be lying if I said that, often, parenting Son hasn’t felt like a burden or some cross I had to bear. I’ve been at this thing for 22 years. Going hard at it. This journey has been full of why-me’s, wondering what I did to deserve this, guilt, and grief. (Trying not to cry as I type this, y’all.) Over the years, I’ve heard all the platitudes.

God gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.

God gives those with special needs to special people.

You’re built for this.

You’re stronger than you know.

I don’t know how you do it.

…and there are so many others. Here are my feelings about all of it. Blah, blah, blah; eyerolls so hard they might fall out of my head; and anger. Yes, anger. Because…usually the people who say these things don’t live my life (or anything close to it) and have no clue what it is to rear a person who needs so much from you, especially when you have no idea how to holistically take care of yourself. They just spout words they’ve heard others say in hopes that it will provide some comfort. They mean well, but these statements - as intended - did not shore up my courage to keep going. My soul was begging for them to give me something other than a sentence and their prayers. When they walked away, I was still broke, feeling hopeless, and tired. So unbelievably tired. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS!

In spite of all my feelings, I have never not known Son is a gift to the world. He has always brought so much joy to people, even when he is doing his personal dance on my last doggone nerve. That’s why I parent as hard as I do, in the way that I do, because I have to nurture this gift that is him. Steward this gift well so I can say, ‘I did my best, Lord.’ So Son can have the life he wants. (He wants so many things, y’all. *eyeroll*) That means that this parenting thing is more involved and taking longer than I’d ever imagined…and so much prayer and hope. Because, not only are we working toward the things he wants in life but, I have to help him-as an autist-understand it all and what it means to actually have it. Therefore, at 22 he’s still with me; we’re still figuring things out as I do my best to help him navigate life; and he still sometimes does his personal dance on my last nerve.

I had to write all of that to get you here.

I was driving Son to work the other day, thinking about this one thing that I want to help him achieve. We came to a stop light, and I looked in his eyes (Y’all! Autists have the most beautiful eyes! Gee whiz!). For the first time, I could envision his future, and it hit me. I GET TO DO THIS! Yes, I’m still tired and often overwhelmed, BUT I get to do this thing of helping to make his dreams come true. 22 years and…finally.

Here’s where all this comes in handy for you. Reflection time! Let me preface this ask by letting you know it’s okay to admit this. It helps you face it head on. Now, take some time to think about a thing (or person) that you’ve seen or felt as a burden or difficult challenge. Look closely at it (them). What do you see? What have you learned? What is it you get to do because of it (them)? What is your hope for this thing or person? What have you been praying for concerning it (them)?

Although I’ve asked you to consider these questions, don’t overthink them. Allow the answers to come to you. Don’t rush it. It might take some time. (Took me 22 years. 😏) When you allow the answers to come, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you receive and realize you don’t just have to, you get to.

Here’s hoping. ☕️

Coffee Matters

In full disclosure, my work and personal life have been kicking my tail the last few weeks. I’ve been burning it at both ends. (I do plan to recharge soon though.) Therefore, I haven’t tried any new coffees but have drank my way through the four bags I had in my freezer. 😆

This morning, as I sit here typing and intermittently crying, I’m sipping the Pumpkin Cream coffee mentioned in hopeletter two. I needed a little bit of comfort as I bared a piece of my soul to y’all.

Here’s what I discovered this morning. In a 5-cup pot, I only need 4 tablespoons of beans. Five creates an overpowering flavor. Four is just right and made for the perfect sip to rub on my soul and soothe these lumps in my throat.

What are you hoping and sipping this week?

If you like what you’ve read and would like to keep me fueled up to crank out more content, you can buy me a coffee below.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this hopeletter about my life and coffee. Please share with a friend who could use a little hope or coffee recommendation.

Also, feel free to leave comments or any insight.