Hope & The Love Equation

It's more than a feeling.

Mar 14, 2024

Hope Matters

Hope Buddies, I’ve been holding on to this one for a while, so here goes.

When I think about the most loving relationships in my life (spiritual, family, and friend), this is the equation that I came up with that I can apply to them all.

Discipline + opportunities for growth + fun + stuff = LOVE

I’m going to discuss them one at a time though, so this doesn’t become a runaway train of words.

Discipline

Discipline is defined as the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior. A very good friend of mine stands by this tenet: You teach people how to treat you. Since the first time she said it to me, I’ve been watching my relationships with people (young and elder) and others’ relationships as well, and I’m inclined to agree wholeheartedly.

I feel most loved by myself and others when I set my own and know others’ boundaries. There are things that I will not allow you to say or do to me, and I know the lines I can’t cross with those whom I’m in relationship. Here’s the thing. It only takes one instance to give permission. And the more you allow that behavior, the longer it takes to correct when you are no longer okay with allowing that thing to happen.

To me, this is the core of any love relationship. We know how to treat each other, or we’re intentional about learning how to treat each other, so we can get along like gangbusters! 🙌🏾

Opportunities for Growth

When I know that you honor my boundaries and I honor yours, I also know that you care enough about me to offer the opportunity for us to grow, individually and together. This can be comfortable, but it’s mostly uncomfortable, because it seems that the person we know is changing into someone else. Well, they aren’t the Incredible Hulk, so not physically. But, we begin to recognize these changes and label people as “different than they used to be.”

Welp, I’ve got good news and bad news. This is true. That’s what growth is. If at my adult age I still had the same foot as when I was born, that would be problematic. Just as our bodies need to grow and change to accommodate our weight and lives, our minds and hearts need room to grow and change as well. And, how lovely is it when you are surrounded by people who see this as a plus and have committed to being on this life ride with you?

Let me tell you it’s completely lovely (sometimes a bit annoying too). So, Significant Other loves me for who I am but also sees me for who I can be. Here’s the annoying part. He nudges a lot! 😆 But, this also lets me know he cares enough to see it, call it out, and hold me to it.

Fun

What is life without a bit of fun? All that growing and teaching people how to treat you can be exhausting. So, we gotta sprinkle some of the good stuff in there. Let’s give it more than a sprinkle shall we?

When a person knows how to treat me and vice versa and we have allowed each other space to not be who we once were, the fun is inevitable. I know what makes you happy; you know what makes me happy. Because of this, we can give ourselves to adventures together. Because we’ve built trust that this adventure might stretch either of us out of our comfort zones, we still each feel safe enough to participate.

For instance, Significant Other wants me to go hiking. 🙄 Let’s just say nature and I are not good friends. Anyway, I’m going to give it a try (at some point), because I trust him enough to be able to handle the nature part. But, he also knows me well enough that, if it gets out of hand, he might be left on a hillside by himself. 😆

Stuff

Oh, my dear Hope Buddies, this is one of my favorite parts. When we are in good relationship with other people, they know us so well. Which means, they also know the things we like to receive. And, how wonderful is gift-giving and getting? It’s completely wonderful!

Nothing is more frustrating than having to fake-like a gift from someone who doesn’t know you well then re-gift it. 🤦🏾‍♀️ No finger pointing. We’ve all participated on one or both ends of this.

Reflection

Y’all, as I think about the most important relationship of my life, all of these things exist. When I am disciplined to adhere to God’s tenets, I grow as a person. Those opportunities for growth He gives me can sometimes suck to go through. But on the other side of it, there’s fun and stuff, sometimes even in the middle of it.

Now, this equation might not be true for you, but it tracks through all of mine. I might have even left some things out or not used the right operation symbols. However, Discipline + Opportunities for Growth + Fun + Stuff = LOVE.

Dear Hope Buddies, hope in love. ☕️

Coffee Matters

🗣️COFFEE BUDDIES, come here real quick! Lean in please.

Last week, I was afforded the opportunity to become a certified barista! You know who took it? ME! I had to travel all the way to Atlanta to do it (5 1/2 hours from where I live), but I did it.

Let me tell y’all, BaristaSource, “the nation’s first full-service specialty coffee workforce development solutions firm,” made sure those two days of training were jam-packed with information, coffee, and experience. It was intense, y’all; but I buckled down, learned a lot, passed my test, and earned my certification. 💃🏾💅🏾 If people thought I was a coffee know-it-all before, they can just “prepare to be sick of me” now. 😆

I’m still learning though. 🤭 Here are a few pictures from last weekend:

So…

What are you hoping and sipping this week?