Hope & the One-Woman Show

Self-Love Series: Installment 2

Hope Matters

Hi there, Hope Buddies. One thing I’ve been thinking about even more lately is who’s around me and, if you were along for the Hope & Coffee ride last week, you might have an idea why.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve always felt like an outsider. Like I never really fit in. Now, let me clarify. I didn’t want to fit in; it just felt weird not to at times. However, I began to live in that truth and be so okay with it that I was perfectly fine navigating my feelings, my schoolwork, and ultimately, life alone. There are so many things I could tell you about myself that might further explain this, but I’ll save us all some time here. If you want to know more about that, we’d just need to share a coffee and chat sometime. 🤭

As an adult, this mindset and behavior translated to believing that I had to figure out everything on my own, that it was not okay to ask for help, that something was wrong with me if I couldn’t figure it out; whatever “it” happened to be. “It” was often parenting, work, relationships, and practically anything else. Parthenia was a One-Woman Show. And let me tell you, it would take an act of Congress for me to get to the point where I’d ask for help. And honestly, so many missteps, misjudgments, and extremely difficult times could have been avoided if I hadn’t been leaning very heavily into my idea of me as a One-Woman Show. I was so used to juggling practically everything alone, and my response to everything was, “I got this. I can do this.”

So, let’s get into how I began to recover. One Sunday some years ago, I remember a minister speaking on pride. Of course, I was sitting there thinking, ‘Not my problem.’ Then, he said something that pricked my heart. He began to speak about how prideful it is not to ask for help when we have a God who loves us and has surrounded us with people specifically for that purpose.

I thought that all I had to do was pray and keep going by myself. All the while, I kept ignoring the people God was sending my way or feeling as if I was weak or not good enough because I needed it. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Lord, have mercy!

So, let me help some of you who might be feeling this way, and this is going to seem a bit harsh, but this is the same thing I said (still say at times) to myself.

Ma’am/Sir, you indeed do NOT have this! At least not by yourself.

You need God and people. Ask for help. That’s why there are over 8 billion people walking this planet. We are designed to help each other in some way, but no one can help if they don’t know you need it. There’s this passage in the Message Version* of the Bible that keeps popping up in my devotional time. It reads like this:

So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. -Hebrews 4:15-16

You can’t tell me he didn’t mean people, too. Even as we seek God for help, whom are we asking for help here on earth? What are we asking of the people He has so lovingly placed in our paths? God does indeed provide the help we need, and it often involves people He has assigned to us.

I can’t begin to tell you the number of people I’m connected to or have had the opportunity to impact, because I either asked for help or talked with a person I didn’t know because I felt led by The Spirit to do so. (Introvert me does not like the latter and perfectionist me doesn’t like the former. 🙄 Pray for me, y’all. 🙏🏾)

But I digress, your one-woman or -man show is not how you are intended to live. The best love you can give yourself sometimes is to ask for help. If you’re drowning, reach up. If you’re overwhelmed, reach out. It starts with one of the most powerful self-love prayers I’ve prayed.

Lord, send me my helpers. -Luvvie Ajayi Jones (Professional Troublemaker)

My life began to shift when I started praying this in earnest, while simultaneously being attentive to whom they might be. Each time I embark upon a new endeavor, am feeling overwhelmed, or have let it go too far and am drowning, I make sure to pray this prayer in care of myself.

Now, this prayer isn’t only for these times, but this is an everyday prayer that will lead your helpers right to you, even when you don’t know you need them. I also add this: Show me whom I’m to help. We live our lives in service to others. It’s less about the work we do every day and more about the unexpected impact we have.

Hope Buddies, love yourselves by asking for help, so you can love others by being the help.

💜,

Parthenia

*The Message Bible is my current favorite. It gets you all the way together in a thought-provoking, sometimes pearl-clutching, way that is unmatched.

Coffee Matters

Coffee Buddies, I have a fairly new coffee baby. 🤭 My other pour over dripper was the victim of an accident and is no longer with us. My walking buddy saw me swooning over this beauty, a Hario V60, in one of our local coffee shops and bought it for me. Talk about a lovely surprise!

Who are your helpers? When was a time you knew you were assigned to help someone?

I appreciate you taking the time to read this hopeletter about my life and coffee. Please share with a friend who could use a little hope or coffee recommendation.