Let It Settle

Breathe and be grateful.

Last week, I drove down to a meeting which involved Son. It was his year-end meeting of this program he’s participating in at college. The meeting went extremely well. He’s stepped out of his comfort zone and done exactly what I knew he could do. His instructors, peers, program coordinators, and I were all proud of his progress and how he’s overcome some challenges this year. As a matter of fact, he’s done what I expected and then some. He’s surprised us all.

At the end of the meeting - after everyone except her, one of the coordinators, and I had left - his advisor looked at me with a smile on her lips and in her eyes and said something like this. I hope you’re taking all this in. You’ve done such a great job. [not verbatim but the sentiment]. Meanwhile, my brain had moved on. I was thinking about my schedule, how I was going to move him out for the year, and what he needed to be doing this summer. I paused, looked at her, and said, ‘You know. You’re right. I need to let this settle. I never really do that; I’m immediately on to the next thing.’

This is the life I live. This is the life of this single mom of an autist, who’s preparing her son to live life without her. (I type as I cry.) Yes, the small victories matter, and the big ones matter even more. Yet, I don’t let them settle. I don’t bask in the beauty of what’s happening or what has happened, because I know something else needs to happen. Another lesson needs to be learned. There are next steps to something we’re already working on.

So, on the drive back, I forced myself to pause. I didn’t turn on a podcast right away. I let it settle. I breathed.

I allowed myself to feel the weight of the accomplishment. I sat in gratitude to a God, who loves me enough to help me as we move forward in faith. I sat in gratitude to myself for the long days, the tears, the fussing. I sat in gratitude to my son for putting in the hard work of being an autistic Black man in this Deep South of a state and [sometimes] being willing to listen to his mom before the lesson.

Whatever you’ve accomplished. Breathe, be grateful, and let it settle.

Love 🤎☕️,

Parthenia

Sip of the Day: Despertar Negro by Cxffeeblack

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