Old Friends

The ones I often forget to remember

Hey, Hope Buddies! I’m back with another hopeletter that decided it couldn’t wait to get out of my body and land here.

Several years ago, our HR director asked me a question. “What do you do for self-care?” Sadly, I couldn’t answer her. I honestly didn’t know. It never even occurred to me that this was a thing I should be doing. My life was consumed with parenting, work, and church. All of it a revolving door that never stopped or took a break.

She made a habit of asking me this question (or something like it) during our quarterly check-ins, because clearly I was burning out yet pushing forward. Can I just tell you how unwise this is? My guess is you already know. Anyhoo, I left that organization a few years later, still not having answered her question. I still didn’t know the things that brought me joy. And believe it or not, that question remained unanswered for a couple more years after that.

Unfortunately, it would only be answered by force, after I’d engaged a much-needed therapist, because…life was doing all the things and trying to take me down. People were peopling in the worst way, and I could no longer deal with it all myself. When asked about how I was caring for myself in all this, I would sit in her office and recount that I didn’t know what my ‘things’ were and the years I’d been unable to answer that question. As a matter of fact — after I’d decided to just stop everything and staycation for a couple of days — on my next visit my therapist still had to point out to me the activities I did during that time that brought me joy. (I was a sad case, y’all.) She was like, “Okay. So, these are your things.” Today, I choose to call them ‘old friends’…

…because Kim’s Convenience is hilarious and this is how I’m welcoming my ‘old friends.’

…because it hit me. These were activities that young me, who had no worries outside of school and my then besties, enjoyed regularly. All I had to do was remember and do them as often as I could. Oh, but let me tell you, this is so much easier said than done. Following the initial pointing out, I began to make a list, adding the new ‘friends’ I was discovering. And yet, I continue to have trouble remembering them until the wick on my candle is beginning to fizzle. I tell myself that I’m going to visit them more often, even if it’s just occasionally. But somehow, those visits get fewer and farther between.

Some people (I’m some people. 🤦🏾‍♀️🙄) say I should schedule them. Although I believe these things should happen organically, like they used to, I know myself. I know my schedule. I know my brain. If I don’t schedule them, I’ll forget to remember them, and I’ll start fizzling out again.

Hope Buddies, please understand I have not yet arrived. These remain to be scheduled. (I’m working on this. Okay?) I only get close to remembering them as time off or vacations loom closely in the distance. My intentions toward remembering them are good, but they remain unvisited until I can squeeze them in for a brief period of time. Isn’t this a terrible way to treat old friends?! Shame on me. (frowns and wags finger at self)

I’m writing this hopeletter to encourage you as I encourage myself to remember your old friends. Take care of yourselves. Spend a little time adding in joy, bit by bit. Schedule it if you must, until it becomes organic. You know, like it used to be. I promise life, work, parenting, and whatever else will be there when we come back to it.

What have you forgotten? I’ll start…

For my Coffee Buddies:

Sip of the Day: Cxffeeblack Dulcey Rosado from the Family Reunion Collection of coffees. It’s washed Pink Bourbon beans with notes of rose water, lemongrass, honey, and chocolate.